#126 - Tim Doyle - People Don't Need More Advice

It’s never been easier to get advice. So why do so many of us still feel stuck? In this solo episode, I unpack the philosophy behind every conversation I have on Soulture and why I've realized I'm not interested in collecting advice. I'm interested in uncovering lived experience. I explore why stories move us more than expertise, why modern life has left many of us disconnected from feeling, and why the goal of every conversation isn't to teach you how to live, but to help you feel more alive.

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Transcript

It’s never been easier to get advice. So why do so many of us still feel stuck? In this solo episode, I unpack the philosophy behind every conversation I have on Soulture and why I've realized I'm not interested in collecting advice. I'm interested in uncovering lived experience. I explore why stories move us more than expertise, why modern life has left many of us disconnected from feeling, and why the goal of every conversation isn't to teach you how to live, but to help you feel more alive.

Tim (02:06.733)

For the longest time, people have told me that they like my interview style and they like the way that I have conversations. And for the longest time, I honestly didn't know exactly what that meant because this has been completely grounded in me following my intuition, my natural curiosities, you know, asking the questions that just naturally arise within me, whether it's in the moment when I'm having conversations or when I'm doing research on people beforehand. And that's an interesting friction to live within, you know.

People liking what you do and getting good feedback, but then truly not knowing the how or the why behind the manner in which you do that thing. So, what we're gonna be talking about here today, why do I have conversations the way that I do and exploring that question? And this really got sparked within me when I had my podcast conversation with James Rickrae a little while back because

Throughout that entire conversation, and I brought this up to him at the end, I was like, you're a very articulate person. Like you're a creator, but it goes so much deeper than that because you then understand the way that you create for yourself on an internal level. But then you're able to go an extra step further and you're able to articulate that understanding in a very clear and methodical way to other people. And it creates an interesting mapping.

And I felt I was like, you need to explore that. You need to be able to do that on a better level for yourself internally, but then also sharing that with other people if they ask you. Because for the longest time it was honestly just like, I don't know. And I guess like part of me was like, Well, I don't need to know. Like just continue with the doing. But it is good to know the how behind what you actually do. And so this allowed me to explore and meditate on this question of

Okay, why do I have conversations the way that I do? What is sort of my philosophy behind this? And it gets into this relationship between advice versus lived experience or experience versus expertise. Those are two different dualities that I've really been exploring because I feel like what my natural intuition goes to, this is deeply embedded within.

Tim (04:34.817)

Going into people's personal experiences rather than trying to extract advice. I'm not the type of person that is going to try to extract tips or tricks or ask somebody, you know, how what are the five best ways to do XYZ? I'm trying to get deep within the person and I'm trying to extract what I've learned. I'm trying to extract insight based off of people's personal experiences.

Because I think that's what people know most. And those are also the types of conversations that I want to have. I want to talk about the person. I want to dive deep into their journey. I want to know the challenges that they've gone through. And like I've said, okay, what are the insights that you've garnered from those challenges? Because that's kind of what's helped me. And that's what I've put out into the world. You know, sharing personal stories. And that's another huge component of this and another huge word, storytelling.

Tim (05:37.963)

Story is what is remembered and what's felt the most.

Tim (05:45.272)

And that's another big word, feeling. I'm trying to get people more in touch with feeling rather than thinking. And story is what makes people feel. People don't need to be told how to live. They don't need advice. They don't need tips. They don't need tricks. They need to feel how you've lived. And that has been the north star for me. You know, understanding that language, that has been the north star for me in

It's something that I feel like I've always naturally done throughout this entire podcast with every single person that I've interviewed. But now having the language language behind it, it it just allows me to accentuate it even more in a way where I'm like, okay, this is what I'm this is what the goal is. This is what I'm truly trying to do. And I'm gonna say that again. People don't need to be told how to live. They need to feel how you've lived.

Tim (06:38.561)

And this gets into another relationship. And this is something that I wrote down a little while back. And this actually really stemmed from my whole experience of sharing my story with chronic back pain and and making a podcast mini series on that. And it's the this relationship between the macro and the micro. I say we've become so consumed by the macro.

That we've become totally out of touch with the micro. What's the micro? The individual, the actual person. The micro is where the relationship with self is found, developed, and nurtured. We have too much expert and not enough storyteller. Too much talking to and not enough sharing. Too much advice and not enough. This is who I am and this is what I've experienced.

Tim (07:35.829)

I'm trying to get completely in touch with the micro, with the person. Because what I've learned is when you do that, it can have a macro level scale. Getting in touch with the micro can have a macro level impact.

Tim (08:01.343)

And when and when reflecting on this question of why I have the conversations that I do, a natural byproduct to that has been asking myself, you know, why do I podcast?

Why do I do this in the first place? And what I learned

Tim (08:30.091)

And the la and the langu and the language that is arisen within me when reflecting on that question is simple. It makes me feel alive. That's what the goal of life seems like it is for all people nowadays. Feeling alive. That word feeling is so important.

Because I don't think we feel enough.

Tim (09:04.161)

We numb, we're consumed, but we don't get in touch with just purely feeling and finding things that allow us to feel live and light us up.

Every single day, this work makes me feel alive. There are some days, if not most days, where I just wake up and I get this spark because of this work, because it just makes me energized and it makes me feel alive. And that's why I do it. And that's why I continue to do it. And that's why I've been able to do it for so long. You know, that's when you know you've truly won when you find something like that.

That just makes you feel alive and that's why you do it.

Tim (09:54.968)

And that's a large reason why I started the podcast is because I feel like I had gotten to a point where I'm like, I don't feel as alive right now. And I had lost that feeling. Because earlier in my life, what feeling alive looked like was coming from the gym. The gym would make me feel so alive. And just the entire process of working out would make me feel so alive. But I lost that feeling.

And that feeling of feeling alive got replaced with a crummy feeling of I don't feel alive. I want to get that feeling back. And my hypothesis behind wanting to start the podcast was simply, I think that's gonna make me feel again. I think that's gonna create some type of spark within me again. I want to feel that feeling again. And that would that was cool early on. You know, people talk about wanting to see results, wanting to see accomplishments.

Because I had that feeling of being alive from the gym, pretty early on, I felt that from starting the podcast. And that was the result or that was the evidence. And that was the data point of like, boom, like you found something here again. And honestly, I feelings I have felt from podcasting, I never felt from the gym. And I'm truly blessed to be able to have two things within your life.

That brings you alive like that. And for me to be able to find that second one pretty much right after the first, like, I hit the absolute lottery. I'm very lucky for that. And what feeling alive looks and feels like is presence. Just being present in the moment. And podcasting is synonymous with presence. It's so beautiful.

Because when I'm having conversations, it's like I'm entering into a portal, into a different world where everything else just blocks out. Or when I'm doing research on people and I'm reading and I'm coming up with ideas, it just gets me grounded in the moment, which is so beautiful.

Tim (12:22.369)

And I think all of these feelings, all this energy, this intensity to a degree, I think this gets exuded within the way that I have conversations on like an unconscious, energetic level, where I think it can be felt, especially by the guest. And this gets me into another philosophy behind the way that I have conversations.

I'm not here for the audience. I'm here a hundred percent for the guest. Now let me explain because you might be listening to that and be like, whoa, like what like what are you talking about? Like you're not here for me. Like I'm the one supporting you or the show, and like you're not here for me. Let me explain. I gotta point to this. So by me saying I'm here for the guest.

Tim (13:16.345)

I'm here to bring the guest alive. Everything that I just shared with you about me feeling alive, almost feeling euphoric, I want to bring that out in the guests as well as well. I want them to feel alive because I think that that then creates for the purest and rawest and best type of conversation.

And I've had guests tell me, and this is sort of my hypothesis, and you know, I've had guests tell me, like, this feels different.

Tim (13:52.312)

And that's what I talked about earlier, actually. You know, a few months back, or you know, what what I say, like the show is about, like, I'm just trying to make you feel something. I don't know what that something is, but I'm just trying to make you feel something. And I would even shorten it down even more than that. You know, not necessarily some like I'm just trying to make you feel. I'm trying to make you feel. Because if I'm feeling that presence, if I'm feeling alive and I'm able to bring that energy to the room.

And a guest can feel that as well. And they can talk with a certain presence and a certain energy that gets them in touch with their feeling self. Well, guess what? That's gonna create a conversation that when the audience listens to, they'll be able to feel that as well. And hopefully that makes them feel something that makes them feel live. So by me being a hundred percent focused on the guest, I'm actually.

100% focused on the audience. By not caring about the audience and just completely caring about the guest. I'm caring for the audience in the purest, most authentic way possible. That's how the audience benefits. Conversations make people feel again. I'm a big believer in that. I believe I have a gift or conversation.

Is my gift to make people feel again. That is the medium that I like to use. People can use music, people can use painting, writing, whatever it is, the art form or the medium. It feels like having conversations, crafting conversations, interviewing people, it feels like that's my thing to make people feel alive again. And I can't stress it enough. People don't need to be told how to live. They need to feel how you've lived.

Tim (15:57.163)

And so with that

Tim (16:04.897)

And so with that, I'm glad I was able to share some of those ideas to truly articulate and bring language, like I was talking about earlier, talking about James McCray, doing something, but then articulating how you do it and bringing language to it. And I'm glad that I've been able to do that to some degree today. So that as I continue to have these conversations, I've even I have an even greater appreciation for why I'm doing it, how I'm doing it.

So that I can continue to do it so I can make people feel alive.