Outworker
Stories of healing, personal development, and inner work. Founded on the idea that the relationship with oneself is the most important to develop, but the easiest to neglect, Outworker shares conversations aimed at helping you develop that relationship.
Outworker
#058 - Akshay Nanavati - Why Failing To Cross Antarctica Wasn’t A Failed Expedition
Akshay Nanavati returns from a near-fatal solo expedition across Antarctica, where failure became his greatest teacher. In confronting solitude, physical collapse, and the weight of a four-year dream undone, he uncovers profound truths about suffering, love, spiritual transcendence, and the limitless nature of the human spirit. This conversation explores how real growth comes not from the finish line, but from who we become in the process of breaking and rising again.
Timestamps:
00:00 Akshay's 2nd Time On The Show
02:50 Not Working Towards A Massive Goal Anymore
06:22 Raising $1.1 Million For This Expedition
09:14 Gaining Wisdom, Then Sharing Wisdom
13:58 Creating Audio Journals
16:11 One Inch Mindset
19:30 Feeling Alone & Connected At Once
22:09 Reality Is A Construct
25:05 Talking & Listening To Yourself
28:21 Die Alive
30:58 Antarctic Therapy Sessions
33:40 Spending 1 Year Wedding Anniversary Alone
40:09 Taking First Day Off After 49 Days & Wellbeing Deteriorating
42:43 Feeling Peace Of Mind & Peace From Mind
43:50 What Akshay Learned About Himself
46:56 Doctoring The Sick With The Human Soul
49:14 Was Failure The Better Outcome?
55:52 Shifting To A New Season Life
57:21 Guiding Others
58:11 Connect With Akshay Nanavati
Thank you so much for listening. I truly appreciate your time and support. Let me know what you thought of the episode and what you would like to see in the future. Any feedback would be awesome. Don't forget to subscribe for more exciting content on YouTube, and leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or whatever platform you are listening on.
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What’s up outworkers. Akshay Nanavati returns from a near-fatal solo expedition across Antarctica, where failure became his greatest teacher. In confronting solitude, physical collapse, and the weight of a four-year dream undone, he uncovers profound truths about suffering, love, spiritual transcendence, and the limitless nature of the human spirit. This conversation explores how real growth comes not from the finish line, but from who we become in the process of breaking and rising again.
Tim Doyle (00:03.156)
Akshay, you're the first person I get to say this to. Welcome back to the show.
Akshay (00:09.186)
Thank you, thank you. Honored to be back, brother.
Tim Doyle (00:12.662)
Yeah, I had you on the show about a year ago, episode six. So taking it right back to the very start, we talked about your prep for Antarctica. You attempted to be the first person ever to do a coast to coast ski crossing of Antarctica, dragging 400 pound sled, 1700 miles. And before getting into the substance of what you learned from attempting this, over the last few months, after you've gotten back,
How have you allowed yourself the space just to be and sit in the moment and understand the experience before needing to extract more wisdom from it?
Akshay (00:56.211)
Great question. At first, there was just mental processing because it didn't go exactly as planned. So it was like an Olympic athlete. You devote four years of your life to something. We raised $1.1 million for it and it didn't go as planned. Ultimately, I pushed the body to the brink of death and literally, in a very literal sense, and came back home without completing the crossing. So just sitting with that, processing it, being with it.
and then starting to reflect on it and share the lessons from it. Because ultimately, yes, it didn't go as planned, but it's one part of a much larger mission.
And this, in that sense, it was a success because the mission continues. It was an evolution of the self. It was an evolution of my own learnings, evolution of wisdom gained from the absolute depths of solitude and the suffering and the extreme edge of the human condition and the most hostile place on earth. So I think just sitting with that and processing that now it's not about you, it's not about me. It's about sharing the lessons and bringing that wisdom, because everybody has their own Antarctic at a cross. And that realization was...
freeing and now devoting my same level of obsessive dedication to a pursuit into the process of sharing the lessons as well as of course building the brand, growing the business as well and the whole brand around Fioravanna.
Tim Doyle (02:19.106)
Like you said, you were training for this for four years. How have you gone about now not being in that routine and that mindset of working toward this massive goal?
Akshay (02:30.249)
There was a bit of an adjustment, but very quickly I readapted to a new way of life. Now my world isn't dedicated to going out and dragging tires for hours on end. Now training is more...
It's more the side thing as opposed to the main thing. The main focus is the business, is the brand, is sharing the wisdom. And of course, as someone who still loves physically challenging myself, I still get out there and do it, but it's not the priority. I'm not trying to raise $1.1 million while training for an impossible mission on the edge of all that is. So just now, recommitted, recreated a new schedule, spending more time with my wife at home, obviously, and focusing on work.
That's become the top priority, but it was a quick adjustment to get back to that. It took about a month for the body to get back into fighting shape. Maybe four or five weeks where the body was still pretty beat up. mean, it still is. The blood reports show there was a lot wrong, but physically at least I can now exercise in a normal way without feeling absolutely exhausted and beat up.
Tim Doyle (03:27.672)
Does this new routine feel more natural and aligned with you?
Akshay (03:31.925)
It just feels it is what it is. There was a time where that was the routine because that was the mission, training for Antarctica. Now there's a new mission so this is the new routine. One of my core strengths I would say is adaptability. I'm very good at adapting to a new way of life and completely letting go the old one. One of the things I've realized over the decades as well as in Antarctica is one of the core...
traits of someone who operates at a high level is the ability to let go of the past rapidly. The faster you can let it go, the less it matters and the more you can move forward with an eye to the future. So that's, it just is what it is. It's not so much this is who I am, this is who I currently am. And that's where the dedication is now.
Tim Doyle (04:14.008)
Yeah, going deeper into that contemplative state of, I need to keep looking forward now. I know three big questions that you would ask yourself about the expedition where what went wrong, what could I have done differently? And did I push hard enough? Are you still asking yourself those questions or are you past that point now where you're like, okay, I don't need to contemplate those things anymore.
Akshay (04:37.373)
I am past that point now. The questions were what went wrong, the body broke before the mind did, could I have done anything differently? No. And this is not just me assessing that, this was chatting with my polar mentors, my coaches, and what was the third question that I asked that you mentioned? It was what went wrong, what could I have done differently?
Tim Doyle (04:55.074)
Did I push hard enough?
Akshay (04:56.207)
I push hard enough. mean, literally push to the brink of death. The condition I got is called diverticulitis, which is essentially infection in the colon. And if left untreated, if you keep pushing without rest, without medication, it can burst. And that leads to what's called peridonitis, which is when it bursts into the bloodstream and gets septic and kills you. And eight years ago, an adventurer did actually die of peridonitis in Antarctica.
Tim Doyle (04:59.406)
haha
Akshay (05:21.137)
So it was in a very, very literal sense going to as far as the edge that I could gone. And I truly believe starting from the side of Antarctica that I started on, it's an impossible journey. Doing that, climbing uphill with a 420 pound sled in unrelenting soft snow. We also got hit with a lot more soft snow than normal during an Antarctic expedition season. And that was the nature of the beast. But I have no regrets about attempting something impossible. It was more than worth it.
Tim Doyle (05:50.786)
Yeah, I mean, it's ridiculously impressive that you just got to the starting line for this. And what I mean by that, like you said, raising $1.1 million for this, I mean, just an incredible goal in itself to accomplish. I mean, a lot of physical, mental, emotional stress and training goes into this, but the added weight of that, what was that entire journey like of, okay, I need to raise a lot of money for this.
Akshay (06:14.195)
It was very hard. was, mean, each one of those things is a full-time job to do, to raise that much money while having to train. Because you can't do just one of those things. Even if you're the most trained person in the world, if you don't have the money, the expedition isn't happening. But if you have all the money and you're untrained, you're going to break out there on day one when you have to pull a 420-pound sled uphill. So it was absolutely brutal. And it was very hard because, I mean, I especially remember one particular day. we, the original...
Tim Doyle (06:22.988)
Yeah.
Akshay (06:39.733)
quote was 750,000 because they had never put together a logistical plan for an expedition like this had never been put together. So even that was figuring it out on the go. This company called ALE, Antarctic Logistics and Expeditions that manages logistics for adventurers in Antarctica. And so we were told approximately 750K. We had hit 697K when the number went up to 1.1 million.
And that was soul crushing. mean, that was soul crushing. We sleepless nights going through that. But then soon after that, Mitt 45, the company Mitt 45 and the founder, Ryan Nydell, donated over $200,000 that helped us cross the finish line. without amazing people in my corner, none of this would have happened. This is a testament to not just me. This was an army of people coming together who believed in the human spirit to test the limits. You the only way you can find out your limits is to test them, is to play on the edge of them. And then you discover how far
we can go and what we're truly capable of.
Tim Doyle (07:36.29)
Yeah, I think the reason why there's that community behind it is because obviously everyone wanted to see you accomplish this and have this incredible feat. But like you were saying, and what your main goal is like, hey, I want to see what I learned out there. And for those people to care, I want to hear about that. And I remember one of the main things that we talked about last time, which really stuck with me was that this expedition was really for you to gain that wisdom.
Akshay (07:53.908)
Mm-hmm.
Tim Doyle (08:04.832)
and you would be a messenger for that wisdom and it was your responsibility to bring that back. And so now that you're back, the question is, what have you learned?
Akshay (08:14.901)
On the, I would say on the one hand, talking about what I just shared about pushing the body to the brink of death is the true limitlessness of the human spirit. What we are capable of, and I'm not special, I wanna, can't stress this enough, a lot of times when I do talk to people like, you're just special, you're crazy, what about for us? The amount of times I've heard somebody say, what about us normal folk? I'm not special, I'm normal like the rest of us. But we can all tap into something greater than what we believe we are.
we can outwork our potential, we can transcend the limitations of our own self-belief and do something greater, but you have to put yourself in the arena to do it. So I'd say one, tapping into the awe-inspiring might of the human spirit that lives within us all, and two, a real crystallization of a concept that really, so my book, Fearvana, is this idea that fear and nirvana, two seemingly contradictory ideas, are in fact complementary. And that concept got further crystallized out there into what I now call the paradox of oneness.
And the paradox of oneness is the realization that the human experience is a dance filled with opposites. So there's life and death, light and dark, masculine, feminine, ego, humility, contentment, discontentment, pain and pleasure, so on and so forth. And the paradox of oneness is the realization that every one of these opposites are not truly separate, but they're two expressions of the same whole. And the more you resist or cling to either side, the more you will suffer.
And true freedom, true peace, true mastery is found not by resisting or clinging, but by not only embracing, but by exploring both edges as a pathway to your next evolution. And I'll give you a very concrete example of what I mean by that. So take the duality. I mentioned there's these series of opposites, these series of dualities. We often demonize one side as bad. Pain is bad, fear is bad, stress is bad. think about it in a very practical way, working out.
You can't get stronger unless you stress your muscles. But the stress has to be balanced with recovery. Too much of it, and that will be a problem. And now even especially in many communities which doing men's work, we even demonize comfort. I've heard this over and over again, comfort is the enemy. Comfort is not the enemy. Too much comfort is the enemy. But the reason why discomfort is valuable is because comfort exists.
Akshay (10:34.503)
So you'll see now there's often the demonization of fear, of stress, of pain, of anything under that umbrella, but now we're going to the other side of demonizing comfort and ease. Ease is not inherently bad. The only reason difficulty is valuable is because ease exists. There are two expressions of the same whole, and this exists on the fundamental level. Even life itself is birthed on this notion of the paradox of oneness. Breathing, inhaling, exhaling, to...
opposite forces that come together to create life. Even the heartbeat. There's expansion and contraction, two opposing forces that create life. so recognizing that these dualities coexist and the more you practice like letting go of resisting or clinging, the more you will find freedom.
Tim Doyle (11:20.194)
not even joking. think duality is one of the main words that I've spoken during podcast conversations and it's because of you and your book.
Akshay (11:29.173)
wow, I'm honored brother. I'm honored it's left a mark and made a difference.
Tim Doyle (11:35.938)
The yeah, the entire mindset and thought process behind dualities is fascinating. And I think it can really help people because yeah, like you were saying, we love to just stick in that one lane where it's like, no, it's the give and take in the relationship between the two.
Akshay (11:44.671)
Yeah.
Akshay (11:49.407)
Yeah.
Akshay (11:53.459)
Yeah, yeah. And that's how you tap into, mean, you you asked what I found out there, I found God, I found all. I mean, the heights of the human experience, some of the most blissful moments where even though was physically as alone, as isolated as a human being can be, I paradoxically felt more connected, connected to God, connected to self, connected to earth, connected to all that is.
And at the same moments when I had these blissful moments where I'd literally be tearing up while skiing, because I'm in pure bliss, I had some of the lowest moments, just unimaginable hardship physically, mentally, the body falling apart. But all of those forces coexist in this one microcosm of time, and you get to experience multiple lifetimes. That's what I found is the depths of the human soul.
Tim Doyle (12:38.808)
Something that I think will probably gain even more enjoyment for or will just become more priceless for you are the audio documentations that you created. And that was so fantastic from the consumer's perspective to be able to listen to those in real time.
How did creating those allow you to stay mentally sharp but also have that sense of connectedness with society even though you were all alone?
Akshay (13:18.613)
At first, I wasn't planning on leaving them as often as I did, just because I wanted to, I wasn't going to be out there. But when I heard from my wife, from my family, how much of an impact they were making, it really inspired me to keep sharing. And then I found out even more upon coming home, how much of a difference it made, how people were so inspired by it. And that was really beautiful to find that out even while I was out there. It also became something to think about towards the end of the day while I was across country skiing with the sled.
What's the message for today that I want to share? So it was a good way for me to reflect on my own learnings for the day and also feel connected to everybody who was hearing the audio update. Even if I didn't know, I don't have no idea how many people heard it. I couldn't see the comments on Instagram that people were leaving. I would hear about them from time to time from my wife when I would call her through the satellite phone. But it was a beautiful thing to...
in very concrete way, be able to leave a mark on somebody else battling their own polar storm. Everybody's got an Antarctica to cross, right? Everybody does. And so to be able to leave a mark for somebody else crossing their Antarctica while I was crossing line, that's what this is about. Every journey, I believe, more than just you and your mission. It has to be.
Tim Doyle (14:32.014)
think that makes it even more impactful that you couldn't be on Instagram or you couldn't see the engagement because then there was still that level of detachment of like, all right, it's still just me out here.
Akshay (14:40.175)
yeah, I'd be happier if I did. There's an option these days now, can take Starlink out there and have it, but I don't want any of that. I want it to be away from it all.
Tim Doyle (14:48.642)
That must that would probably be such a vastly different experience.
Akshay (14:51.779)
very much so.
Tim Doyle (14:54.158)
Would love to run through some of your updates actually, and just the points that really stuck out to me. So for your first update, I know you're a big movie guy, you're a big fan of Black Hawk Down, Green Mile, and you mentioned Al Pacino in the movie Any Given Sunday. And you talk about fighting for that inch and that's the difference between winning and losing and literally could be between living and dying.
Akshay (15:00.191)
Sure.
Akshay (15:11.796)
Yeah.
Tim Doyle (15:23.884)
And that's something that I talk about with all people that I've had on the show who have done these endurance things like this. I've had James Lawrence on to talk about the Conquer 100, Katie Spots who rode solo across the Atlantic Ocean and just that short frame mindset of like literally just that one step in front. How important was that for you?
Akshay (15:46.057)
That is everything. That's the world. Because if your mind starts thinking about, day one, I got to do 100 more days of this, you're going to break. It was so unbelievably hard. I mean, I've done a lot of hard things. I've run ultra marathons. And nothing compares to how hard this was. the only way I could even get to the point where I pushed my body to the brink of death, as opposed to the mind breaking and choosing to quit before that,
was by focusing on that one step. And it applies to life. mean, it's pure presence. There is value in thinking about the future. You kind of have to if you're planning something great. But if you live there, you're going to break and you lose not only the ability to create that future, you lose enjoyment in the moment to moment experience that is our life, that is each moment. So being focused on those inches,
was what got me through. I there was a few days where the two sleds would sink in the snow, because it was such soft snow, they would sink in and I would have to fight them out. They would get caught in there, fight them out, and three steps later this would happen again. And this would go on for nine hours. Every few steps it would get stuck in there. And I remember one moment just sitting on my sled and looking up just saying, come on, God, give me a fucking break. And it was so hard, so hard, but how I could get back up
on that moment when I sat down on my sled was, all right, focus on the next step. You chose this, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and let's focus on it. And then when you wake up the next day and you see soft snow again and you know that's what's coming, but you focus on that one step, I'm going to get out of the tent, that's all that matters. And it's as simple as a choice. mean, easier said than done, I get it. Like there were many moments where my mind kept wandering, but when it does, you bring it back, you bring it back, you bring it back.
And that process repeats itself over and over again, not just in Antarctica, but in life.
Tim Doyle (17:42.926)
Before you left, saw you posted on your Instagram, you were cutting off like different zippers, be like, just save four grams here, just save four grams here, take me out, mosquito netting, just save 30 grams. I'm like, wow, that really put it into perspective. It's like every little thing can make a difference.
Akshay (18:01.525)
Every little bit, you know, sometimes you've heard this expression, don't sweat the small stuff. That's complete nonsense. If you want to pursue mastery at any craft, sweat the small stuff. It all matters. The inches, the details. Every little detail adds up to shape the reality around you.
Tim Doyle (18:20.536)
Getting to feel both alone and more connected simultaneously at once is a spiritual experience. Break that down for me.
Akshay (18:29.179)
That's the paradox of oneness to know that. hearing me talk about it, somebody can conceptually get it. Okay, I get what you're saying, right? It makes sense. But there's a very big difference between conceptually understanding something and knowing something. Knowing something removes that space. It removes the barrier. Conceptual understanding is just that. It's conceptual.
And that's shaped by the constructs that create our reality. What I mean by that, just to make this more practical, for example, let's say have this. I'm holding a brown water bottle. Why is this brown? Why is this a water bottle? Those labels were taught to me at a young age that this is this thing that I'm seeing.
Therefore, it's a construct because that's what I've been taught. So there's an imperceptible moment between a pure experience and the constructs that create our sense of reality. And this imperceptible moment, these constructs are not bad or good. They help us move through the world. But when you can go through a moment that transcends the constructs and you truly get to see that what pure experience is, is beyond it, that's when you tap into oneness.
Oneness of all that is, and that's one of the core reasons why I seek these journeys on the edge, is for these moments of awakening in Buddhism. It's called Satori. Pure awakening, oneness, call it moment of enlightenment, whatever you want to term it. But when you tap into this, when you experience it, it opens a door to a place that you can never unsee anymore. And that knowing creates that opening that changes how you then move through life.
Tim Doyle (20:09.55)
And that oneness for you, because I feel like a lot of people can perceive that or feel that in a different way. But for you, when you're out there, does that oneness feel like getting closer to God or what is that experience like?
Akshay (20:27.125)
For me, is very much so. call it an ex- I mean, those moments are moments of tapping into the divine. And we all have our own version of what God means to each of us. There's no right or wrong. But that to me is an expression of transcendence. It's awakening. It's God. It's absolute all. And that's something that I- One of the many reasons why I love doing this is to tap into that in a very deep way, not a conceptual way, but in a way that is-
fully embodied.
Tim Doyle (20:59.234)
You described Antarctica like it's a construct. You say this blank white canvas is the loading program that I get to load anything onto to paint on this canvas and create on this canvas everything I hear from the voices of the soul. Did you have that mindset going into that? That's what it would feel like? Or was that something like in the moment of like, okay, now I know what this is about.
Akshay (21:23.123)
I knew that Antarctica was flat white nothingness. I've experienced flat white nothingness on other polar expeditions as well. But in those early days in Antarctica, I'd hit in a new way where I thought about that scene in The Matrix.
that when it's pure white and they call it, literally call it the construct, which is so cool, when I first saw the matrix, it never hit me in that way, but that's what it is, right? That's the, our constructs allow us to create our reality. And so when you start acknowledging that the world around you is a construct, it allows you to change those constructs in a way that serve you. So for example, like when I ran ultra, when I started running ultra marathons or before I did, a marathon felt like a long run. When I started running ultra marathons, a marathon
was a warm up. But how we perceive that is just a construct of the mind. Everything is, you know, the way we engage with reality is not reality in itself. It's our lens of reality. And we're all wearing some sort of lens in a very
Tangible way if I'm wearing glasses that have a red lens the world is red, but we all have this lens That's why two people can be in the same room and one person thinks everything is terrible in this room and the other person thinks everything is great It's just a construct that shapes our reality but for a lot of people and I've seen this They're not aware that they're engaging with the lens of reality They're engaging with reality as it is and they perceive it to be real and that's what traps them in the prison of their own mind But until you start seeing that that is a construct
you can create freedom, true freedom of mind.
Tim Doyle (22:52.578)
Have there been any big things yet while you've gone back where you experience it differently or you look at something you're like, that I have a different perception of that now.
Akshay (23:03.603)
It's given me a new perspective on even working on my business, like sitting down on a computer. Yes, working on a building a business is hard. There's no doubt about that. There's different mental challenges, but I'm like, I'm not dragging a 420 pound sled through snow. So you know what? It's great. I'm comfortable. I'm on a computer. It's got different kinds of mental challenges, but it alters how you handle struggle. That's one of the core reasons of my teachings in my book, Fear of Ana. It is even a chapter called The Gift of Suffering.
is the more you train yourself to seek it out, the more it alters your ability to face it when it's inevitably thrust your way. It also changes who you are on a fundamental level. I didn't used to speak like this. I didn't used to have this degree of inner confidence many, many, many, many years ago. That's built. It's earned on the battlefield. It's earned in the arena. And Antarctica was the toughest arena I've ever been in.
Tim Doyle (23:55.502)
You talk about music as well in one of your updates and how it could be a tool for you, but you didn't want to use it as a crutch because you wanted the natural state to be listening to yourself when you were out there and you were just skiing without listening to music. Are you just thinking in your head? Are you literally talking to yourself out loud? What does that look like?
Akshay (24:17.575)
A bit of both. Sometimes just being in my head, letting it go where it goes. Other times mumbling to myself, talking out loud to myself. There's nobody there, so who cares? You're just talking out loud, sometimes screaming out loud. But just being with myself and allowing what will show up to show up.
And not every thought is a quote unquote positive one, but you be with it. You struggle with that. You face it. And then you keep rising. And navigating that is one of the core challenges on this. The mental challenge of an expedition like this is harder than anything else. It's not as dangerous as, let's say, mountaineering, where you can literally fall off a mountain. Because in this case, you're just walking on flat white nothingness. But
That's what makes it so hard is the mental challenge of that. On a mountain, as you go up and down the mountain, the views change. The terrain is different. It's more dynamic. Sometimes when you're on the, and I've experienced this while mountaineering as well, you're on a thin ridge line with thousands of foot drop on each side of you. You're not wandering. Your mind is right there. You're thinking about that step because there's consequences. In Antarctica, imagine just walking. Imagine staring at a wall, a white wall, and just walking into that.
all day. That's kind of what it's like. And if you do that, you'll see your mind will take you everywhere. And facing that is the ultimate challenge.
Tim Doyle (25:35.788)
Yeah, I couldn't imagine that. That would be, for me, mind-numbing.
Akshay (25:40.949)
It is mind numbing and you're doing that while dragging a monster of a sled. So that's the unrelenting mental challenge of Antarctica. But that's part of the draw as well is in talking about what I found was the capacity of the human spirit to endure. Our minds are so much stronger than we think we are. They think that we think they are, but we will never know that unless we actually put that to the test.
and you can see what we can do with our minds and who we can become and what we can tap into, it's all inspiring.
Tim Doyle (26:14.936)
So obviously you had the audio recordings that would go on Instagram that you documented stuff. Were there other things that you were doing to document the entire process or the experience, whether you had like different thoughts or different like pieces of wisdom, you're like, I need to concretize this in a way. Like, would you write stuff down like while you're out there or what did that process look like?
Akshay (26:38.227)
I would shoot a video journal.
at the end of each night as well because we're working on a documentary to tell the story about it. So I had video journals that I shot while skiing. In hindsight, there were some insights that I wish I had recorded and it was kind of no way to do that. But I do remember, I don't remember exactly what I said, but I remember having moments of things that I said. was like, like even today, I'm like, I wish I remembered exactly how I put that. But that's part of the experience. was meant to be in that moment and what was revealed was revealed.
Tim Doyle (27:11.042)
Your mantra for your training was die alive. What does that mean?
Akshay (27:16.265)
What that means is, in every moment, there's a version of us that will never exist anymore. So, the version of me that woke up this morning, for example, will never exist again. Never. That version of me in that moment of time, in that place, is gone. It's dead. And when you think about that...
When you actually realize that a part of you, a version of you, is dying every moment, it reframes how you shape reality. And that's what die alive means is if one version of me is dying every moment, I want to die as alive as possible. And it made me feel more alive in the moment to moment experience of life remembering this. You know, there's a reason why the Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, no man ever sets foot in the same river twice, for he is not the same man and it is not the same river.
At a younger age when I first heard that, I didn't fully understand it. Now I do.
You know, it was conceptual, now it's annoying. That there is a version of us dying, and so when I think about this, and I wake up in the morning and I realize that this is gone, this day, this moment, this part of me, I want to feel this moment alive. I want to experience this moment alive, and I want to live this day as if it is my entire lifetime. Not so much this notion of live every day like it's your last. I think that's a little silly because if it truly was my last, I wouldn't do some absurdly hard shit that I'm doing in the moment. It's more as...
with an eye to this future that I'm creating live this day as if it is my entire life. So there is no tomorrow, there is no past. Because even doing something like what I did in Antarctica, or even if you're working on this on a business day after day after day after day,
Akshay (28:48.929)
If it feels monotonous, it's because you have an eye to the past and the future. If there is no past and there is no future, there is no monotony. Monotony only exists because there's a past and a future. Now, obviously we're all human beings and I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, but I've gotten far better over time to be fully in the now.
that now is directed and oriented through the eyes of the future. This is the paradox of oneness. The duality exists of the sort of the now and the not now is the other duality, right? And they both have their place. So I have a future target I'm aiming for, whether it be in Antarctica or now, but the now, the day is oriented towards that future, but I don't think about the future when I'm in it.
It's already been consciously decided, right? So create some time to map it out and then you let it go. Then it lives in the back of your mind. Now everything you're doing is oriented towards that, but my whole world is this day. My whole life is this day. Because in a very literal sense, this life, this version of me will never exist again.
Tim Doyle (29:46.35)
powerful. You coined something called Antarctic therapy sessions. When you were out there, what what were those? And what was that experience like?
Akshay (29:55.803)
They were these moments where I'd be skiing, cross-country skiing, being in my own thoughts and processing my stuff, processing my demons. I had worked through a lot of stuff because as you know, before going to Antarctica, I'd done solo expeditions. I had been in darkness retreats, had sobered up after struggling with addiction after the war in Iraq. So I had done a lot, but you know, we're all human beings. There's always more that arose. So thinking about that, processing that, being with that, there was a moment where I thought a lot about
There was a fear, what are other people going to think of me if I don't complete this? Are people going to think I'm weak? Moving through that was an Antarctic therapy session. I've processed a lot of my survivor's guilt from the war, but it still shows up from time to time. So finding a new reframe on that, on how I move through life and feeling more joy in the day-to-day experience, as opposed to this thing that I've struggled with a lot, is the blessing of a life that I've lived.
And I've seen people in war zones, I've worked with survivors of sex trafficking, former child soldiers, people in poverty, and the only reason they are thrust into hell is because they were born there. They didn't have a choice. And I got lucky by being born to great parents, and as a result, I was blessed with a million times more opportunities than people in the darkest corners of hell. Why did I deserve that? I don't. I didn't do anything to earn that. So processing that, being with that, and recognizing that
that doesn't have to be a barrier to joy. anything, can be, joy can be a weapon to do something about the suffering on earth. And if part of my mission, which it is, is to bring people more peace and fulfillment, I have to embody that. So that was a big awakening for me as well. It's not that I was miserable before Antarctica, but it opened up a slightly another avenue of joy that I didn't have before.
Tim Doyle (31:45.346)
You think physical exertion is the best way to unlock that?
Akshay (31:49.693)
Yes, because physical exertion is the only avenue that taps into mind, body, and spirit. I've been in darkness retreats where I sat completely still with myself for seven days the first time, ten days the next time, and it challenges you tremendously mentally, spiritually, emotionally. But when you're doing a physical challenge, especially this is why I love long endurance, is that it will open up all those avenues of expression. Because when you do something long enough for time, like I did in Antarctica, or even forget about Antarctica, go for...
A 12 hour walk, you don't even have go for a run. Go for a 12 hour walk outside. It'll tap into your mind, it'll tap into your spirit. So it's the only way to activate all elements of the self, mind, body, spirit.
Tim Doyle (32:34.742)
An interesting component to this that I want to dive deeper into. So Dave 40, you spent your one year wedding anniversary out there and you said about your wife, Melissa, that she had made this mission. She had made this mission her mission. What do you think the biggest differences would have been doing this if you were single versus married?
Akshay (33:02.393)
It's the the number one thing I thought about on all my expeditions before I Melissa was the desire for a partner for love. And even if you look at research, the two ways that people find me find greater happiness and joy is one is channeling your purpose, which I was living. The other is connection, it's love, it's relationship. Partnership is
I think the core of that, even of course, relationship with friends, family as well. So it was fundamental. mean, every day, there was not a day that went by in Antarctica where I didn't think about how grateful I am that she came into my life and this beautiful, supportive woman who is just so driven in her own right, but also so supportive of this mission and made it her own. So I think it was...
transformational. mean, even on a very practical level, she was funding our life before I went to Antarctica, you know, so I always joked that I was a sugar baby was my job title. Because I was training kind of full time. And so she was funding our life. Now would have found a way I'm sure but I can't imagine now doing it without her not only in a emotional way and mental way, but also in a very practical way of how she supported
our normal day-to-day life while I was able to focus on this. mean, whatever dollar I was making before Antarctica was going directly towards the Crossing Fund.
Tim Doyle (34:18.958)
So you had trained for this when you were single for about three years before you met her?
Akshay (34:25.855)
yeah, about three years, yep. Two and a half, three years, yeah.
Tim Doyle (34:29.566)
And so I'm really curious to know if you don't mind sharing just a little bit, like when you guys first meet, is this like something you come out like right and say and be like, Hey, like, I'm Okshay, like, I'm trying to ski solo across Antarctica.
Akshay (34:44.297)
Yeah. So at the time when we first met, I was scheduled to go to Antarctica about three, four, four months later in 2023.
when I was scheduled to go. And I was not even remotely interested in dating for obvious reasons. I was ready to go to Antarctica. I didn't think anybody wanted to date me, let alone I don't have the bandwidth. And she was new in town, a mutual friend of ours. Even when how she moved here was on intuition. She did a very deep meditation retreat called 40 Years of Zen from Dave Asprey and had a vision of a future partner. On intuition, she broke her lease in Portland, Oregon, where she lived and moved to Scottsdale.
Two months later, we met through a mutual friend. She came to a gathering that I hosted here at my place. And she heard about me. Everybody knew that I was doing this thing, so it kind of came up in story. So she's like, there is no way I'm going to date this guy. But I invited her to more gatherings just to bring her in to meet new people. She was new to town, and I'm really good at.
connecting people is one of the things I do well here. But then she started to feel something for me. And one of the first times we had any one-on-one time together, we went on this intense hike. I hadn't eaten food in six days. So we went on five-hour hike in 102 degrees. I had been training every single day, so 17 hours of training on zero calories in six days. I ended up getting heat exhaustion, threw up, full-bodied cramps, delirium. She had an alert for mental training for Antarctica.
Tim Doyle (36:07.5)
Why weren't you eating?
Akshay (36:11.925)
Can I push my mind to the extreme when I don't have any calories and sustain me? That's why I was training every day with no food. So anyway, we went really deep on a conversation that I literally don't remember because I was so delirious and on the brink of, you know, in a very bad place. But we went deep. We really connected. She ended up hearing on Dave Asprey's podcast that I'm more scared of asking a woman out than I am of going to war. So she asked me out.
Tim Doyle (36:12.055)
Okay, gotcha.
Akshay (36:36.399)
And after our first date, she knew what was happening. on our second, you we had a great first date on the second date. said, look, before we go any further down this road, you know, you know, this is coming up. Are you in for the ride? Are you cool with it? Are you part of going to be part of the journey? And she was in. So we, we went, I mean, on second date, we knew where to be together pretty much for at least seven months. But after about a month of dating, it got postponed to years. So we got a full year and a half together before Antarctica came up.
Tim Doyle (37:05.452)
Yeah, I think it's so fascinating and I know she does a lot of work within this space of very ambitious people and balancing it with that.
Akshay (37:14.121)
with love, yeah. We're helping, we're working on a book together about that she's authoring and I'm co-authoring on helping high performers pursue ambition while create a thriving relationship. We have noticed a lot that high performers can be great at their craft, at pursuing greatness on their craft, but terrible at relationship. And it doesn't have to be one or the other.
Tim Doyle (37:31.04)
Yeah, I mean...
Yeah, like that kind of becomes a duality in itself where you go so far onto one edge where that other side of things just breaks down. And you obviously see that with a lot of high performers or people who try to achieve these ambitious things, whether it's, you know, the best of the best, the best of the best athletes. see Tom Brady, who basically, you know, said, I'm playing football instead of, you know, choose my family. And I remember
I was watching the documentary free solo with Alex Honnold and one of the main plot lines throughout that was, this is interesting. There's actually some friction here between him and his wife and his wife is like totally not on board with this or she's kind of just like holding him back in a way of like, I don't understand why he needs to do this. And he's just in the zone of like, no, like this is what I'm supposed to do. This is my purpose. So I mean, that was a really interesting
plot line and storyline to track with you actually, think, which you, you don't see that often where it's like, it's just focused on like the person who's trying to do these things, but then bringing in that added romantic layer to it.
Akshay (38:50.707)
Yeah, I mean it was everything but you can have both, you know, it's very very possible to pursue something great and still create a thriving relationship. You just, there's ways to do it and she teaches a lot about that in not only on social media but on into the book that she's working on and we're working on together as well.
Tim Doyle (39:09.326)
So back to the expedition day 50 that's the first day that you took a full recovery day so 49 days straight of skiing and then you finally take a break. What did a recovery day look like for you?
Akshay (39:24.297)
Just being in the tent, mostly sleeping as much as needed, strolling around the tent from time to time just to get some movement, but not actually skiing with the sled towards the goal. Because by then, we were fairly certain the crossing was no longer possible, but it was around the last 10 days where everything started falling apart. I got so delirious that I thought I was drunk out there.
I was scared I could faint and actually I found out later another adventurer did faint and thankfully he ended up getting up and called for an evac after he set up his tent in evacuation but he got frostbite on his fingers and toes and if you faint out there when you're completely alone it could be fatal. So I had pain in my chest, pain in my spine, everything hurting, delirium, can't catch my breath, can't hold my breath until finally it led to the gut pain that was the thing that killed the expedition because on day 58
The gut pain was very, very severe, very, very painful. knowing what I knew about this adventure that died eight years ago, we kept an eye on it. Almost got evacuated that day, but still kept trying, still kept fighting. And on day 60, the gut pain hit after just 20 minutes of skiing. And so that's when it had to be called. Coming back home alive was always number one priority.
Tim Doyle (40:39.914)
Yeah, and I know that the main thing for you was, or the main disappointing thing was not being able to obviously you want to accomplish this, but the further time out there to gain more wisdom and allow yourself to be able to share more experiences and messages with the pain that you were experiencing. If it's even possible to describe was, mean, was it debilitating in the point of like
so bad that you weren't even able to move.
Akshay (41:12.145)
When the gut pain hit, it got really bad when I was already in the tent because I started to feel spine pain, gut pain. And we said, all right, let's set up with a tent. And then it really got bad. And I have a fairly high pain tolerance. do a lot of intense things, but it was quite debilitating. It was very, very severe. And even my wife who, I mean, I'm the kind of person that no matter how bad I'm in, in training and pushing, I'm always like, I'm good, no complaints. But there were a few days out there where I was like, I'm not good. I've been better. So it was very, very painful.
Tim Doyle (41:42.798)
Day 53, you say, and this is just before you start experiencing really, really bad pain, you say felt not only peace of mind, but peace from mind. What exactly does that mean?
Akshay (41:57.023)
So peace of mind would be kind of okay with what is. Peace from mind is almost like freedom from mind, that even the thoughts aren't there, you just are.
You know, peace for a mind is that I'm away from the chaos of consciousness, away from the thoughts. And these are temporal moments, they're, you know, they're fairly ephemeral because they are going to disappear, the thoughts are going to rise up again. But to get glimpses of peace for a mind is once again, like I said earlier, it opens a door to what's possible.
And once you walk through that, you can't unsee it. You can never unsee it. And to taste that, to know it, to feel it, to be with that is a profoundly beautiful experience. really not like... Peace of mind is, alright, I have all these thoughts, but I'm cool with it. I'm okay. Peace from mind is there's nothing. There just is. It's pure experience.
Tim Doyle (42:50.232)
From your 13th update, so far before you actually know that you're not gonna be able to go further and accomplish this, you said, I don't wanna step out of Antarctica the same me. Otherwise, if I've crossed Antarctica and I'm the same version of me, that's not a successful expedition. I'd rather not cross Antarctica and get deep, deep insights into the soul of the human experience, touching the hand of God, than cross Antarctica and come back.
the same version of me and just not having evolved into something new. What have you learned about yourself thus far? Obviously you have all this wisdom that can be shared with people that can impact their lives. for you internally, just on a, you know, singular level, what have you learned about yourself?
Akshay (43:40.831)
There's a shift in my beingness, in how I see the world. That's more...
deep down and knowing how I interact. think I'd not that I was not confident before but there's a deeper level of confidence in how I am. People have even commented you're you seem more different. I think there's a greater sense of acceptance of is-ness of all is-ness acceptance I didn't hit the crossing, you know, so even out there acceptance of is-ness is the foundation of freedom from all unnecessary suffering.
And what I mean by that is I talked about earlier about resisting or clinging. So like as an example, in Antarctica when I got soft snow, it's very easy to say I wish there was not soft snow. I wish there was hard surfaces because when I got hard surfaces, I could cruise. Instead, whenever you get what you get, thank you God for these perfect conditions. Because this is perfect because it can't be anything other than what it already is. And these were some concepts that I had ingrained already before going and talked about and shared.
but there's a deeper sense of acceptance of the isness as I move through life now with a greater peace, greater just connected to myself and greater, I think intensity, not intensity in the sense of like, you know, like, like, stay hard, like David Goggins, nothing wrong, I love David Goggins and I think he's awesome. But not in that sense, but more of an intensity in the connection to all that is. And so I feel more powerful.
in not an egotistical sense, in a deeper sense, if that makes sense.
Tim Doyle (45:15.886)
from my perspective as well, because like I said, I'm very grateful to be able to talk to you before you did this and now after I can definitely see a difference in your energy that I can just feel it and the way that you talk. And I think the way that I see it as well and not saying that you weren't like this beforehand, but you just seem like very resolute and just like stillness versus
beforehand, not that you weren't those things, it just like a lesser degree. And that's the way that I see it.
Akshay (45:51.445)
Hmm. I appreciate you saying that thank you for the acknowledgement brother appreciate that
Tim Doyle (45:56.814)
something that you said, I know Carl Jung has had a profound impact on you. And you said that you want the words on your tombstone to be based off of something that he said, which is he wandered the world with human heart to doctor the sick with human soul. What does that mean to you?
Akshay (46:03.338)
Mm-hmm.
Akshay (46:18.613)
So I'll say the full Carl Jung quote and that gives it context and then expand upon it. says, anyone wants to know anything about the human psyche, it would be best to abandon scholars' gown and wander with human heart throughout the world. There he would reap richer stores of knowledge than textbooks a foot thick could give him and he would know how to doctor the sick with the true knowledge of the human soul. When you learn from a book, it's learning, it's knowledge.
When you play on the edge of the human experience, it's wisdom. And that wisdom changes you. It's on a very practical level. Would you rather learn how to build a business from someone who's built a billion dollar business or from someone who studies it and talks about it but hasn't built one? Right? So the answer is clear. In the same way, if you look at it from a deeper understanding of the human psyche, would you rather learn from someone who has explored the very edges of the human experience on all facets, on all forms?
or someone who's read a few books about it. And again, there's nothing wrong about books. It's good learning, but that's only the door. To walk through it and to go out onto the edge of all that is, that's when you really get to understand what the human spirit is capable of.
And then you're teaching not from a lens of knowledge, but a lens of wisdom. And that changes everything, you know? And so that's what it is for me is to play not just... That's why what I do is not just one craft of, let's say, polar travel. I have volunteered in post-conflict zones, I've been to war, I spend time in darkness, I go out onto the edges of Antarctica, climb mountains, I'm in a relationship, I've written a book, I've built a business, all of these things in different edges to understand the deeper knowledge of that human soul.
that then allows me to go out and share that wisdom, right? I look for the biggest dragon to fight because the greater the dragon that you battle, the greater the treasure that you unearth on the other side of that. So I look for the biggest dragon to unearth the biggest treasure. And then what I do in my work is to bring those treasures back.
Tim Doyle (48:18.434)
paradoxical way, does it feel like you failing this is actually better for your mission?
Akshay (48:26.611)
There's, my wife and I have talked a lot about that. To a certain degree, yes. There's, know, my friends have even said, imagine you pulled this off, there's, definitely can trigger the ego more. Because like, let's say had I gotten hard surfaces the entire time, I feel fairly confident I could have pulled it off. You know, wouldn't it have been easy? No, but I remember the days I got hard surfaces. I mean, I would finish a 10 hour day and feel energized. Like nothing, let's go, I got this again. But the days that I didn't, which were more often than not, when I got soft snow.
I was dying at the end of every one of those days, which were most of the days. The last few hours were absolutely brutal. So had I not suffered the way I suffered, had I gotten an easy ride to the finish line, it wouldn't have changed me. Even before this, before Antarctica, I had done a lot of hard things. I ran 24 hours ultra marathons. But whenever I talked to them about them, I wouldn't sort of...
ever acknowledge how hard they were. It's not because I didn't find them hard, it's because like, you know, it's kind of hard. But this is the first time that I think I've ever said, this was unforgivingly hard. Like it's hard to describe how brutal this was. And I don't say that lightly. Anybody who knows me knows that I don't say that lightly. But had I not gone through that, I wouldn't have become, I wouldn't have experienced the level of transcendence that I experienced in order to keep moving forward in the face of such unimaginable hardship.
and that transcendence is everything. In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, he talks about self-transcendence. What's known is self-actualization is the top of the pyramid, but what's not as well known is that self-transcendence was actually higher than that. And Viktor Frankl puts it beautifully when he says self-actualization is the side effect of self-transcendence.
When you put yourself in the depths of suffering, it forces you to transcend in order to move forward in the face of suffering. Because the very nature of suffering is that it sucks, is that it's painful, is that it's hard. And so suffering is a training ground for self-transcendence. So when you put yourself through unimaginable suffering, it allows you to get exposed to a greater level of self-transcendence.
Tim Doyle (50:26.424)
think the accomplishment, and this isn't just to put a good spin on things of like, this is great that you failed, is why it's better, but I just think with the accomplishments, it can overshadow the conversations that you have and the questions that you ask because I think the conversations then become more geared towards just the like.
tell me about how you did this. Like, what was the play by play of, you know, the work that went into this?
where in actuality it's like, okay, what did you learn from this? Because that's something that I always say, like I said earlier, I've had people on who have gone on to accomplish great things like this. And it's like, okay, like, yeah, like that's the stepping stone. Like, let's start there just to like put into context about like how actually insane this is. But like, at the end of the day, I actually really don't care about that because what did you actually learn?
which is like stuff that like people can actually garner from it. And I think that.
Obviously it would be an incredible thing to be able to add to your resume of, I skied solo across Antarctica. mean, that would be absolutely insane. But I think that decreases the weight or the importance or going underneath the surface of what you actually learned. And I think the failure of that actually allows that to happen more freely because it's like, okay, you failed, but you still did this. So what did you learn from that failure?
Akshay (52:02.119)
Yeah, yeah. I mean, what I did was no human being on Earth had ever even attempted it before. So in that sense alone, it was quite a historic feat to even step into the arena to attempt something that's on the very brink of impossible. Because that's the thing, like if you had all the time in the world, theoretically, you could pull it off. But in Antarctica, you don't.
This is not something in normal world, Like, Antarctica has a season that ends and goes into winter. And so you have to get out before Antarctic winter hits or there's no planes flying there. So it's a very, very unforgiving place that creates a lot of constraints and is very dependent on luck. That's why we didn't even get a good weather to fly to the other side of Antarctica to start. Had I gotten a good weather window to fly there, maybe the game would have changed, but it is what it is.
Tim Doyle (52:45.902)
Yeah, I also heard you recently talk about how the 500 miles that you did ski was like the hardest 500 miles of the entire thing, which is
Akshay (52:56.437)
It was it was all uphill and the steepest portion of the route After that it I already started to experience it It was more gradual and then after the South Pole it would have been all descending descending and flat So I had to do the all the uphill part with the heaviest sled any man has dragged from the coast of Antarctica
Tim Doyle (53:16.718)
So how much farther would you have gone? How much farther would you have needed to go to get to that downhill spot?
Akshay (53:24.085)
I would have had to go about another 300-400 miles, I think.
Tim Doyle (53:29.871)
wow.
Tim Doyle (53:34.104)
Wow. Crazy. mean, so one of these people I'm talking about who I've had on who's done these very long endurance things, really interesting woman, her name's Edie little field sunbeam. She was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. She was practically given like three months to live, but has gone on to live for years down the line. And her big thing is like movement was part of her healing process, just continuing to move. That's what helped her with her.
cancer treatments as well. So she walked the entire El Camino Real in California and Mexico. think was like a total of 1600 miles. Remarkable. mean, she did it with one lung and just an incredible, incredible woman and an incredible conversations. And in her book, she has this line, which I think is really fascinating, which also gets to the point of it's not so much the accomplishment, but what we get from the accomplishment.
Akshay (54:07.387)
yeah.
Akshay (54:11.689)
That's awesome.
I have a method. So I have
Tim Doyle (54:29.836)
And she says, in the desert, Sierra's a man is but a wind that passes and does not return. The desert doesn't need water or man. It quickly erases man and reclaims itself. And it's like the same thing with you. It's like. Antartica at the end of the day is going to stay the same. And it doesn't know that you came and went by. It's like you are the one who now can create that magic and that spark for what you did there.
Akshay (54:55.699)
Yeah, it's beautifully put. Thank you for sharing that. I love that. Very true.
Tim Doyle (55:00.086)
So what is the...
next spark for you, guess, feel like it's more so shifting away from physically based things into, okay, now let me use this Antarctic expedition to build businesses and messaging around this rather than just being an endurance athlete.
Akshay (55:23.891)
I do always love long endurance for the reasons we've discussed, so I'm sure I'll get back into some version of that, perhaps ultra marathons again later.
For right now, yes, obviously I'm still physically training, but not with the sole dedication towards a particular outcome. Right now it is, I'm writing one book called Step Into the Storm, how to keep tentatively titled, how to keep doing hard things to get the results you want. So my first book, of Ana, which is out, was kind of level one, is really the core of that book is how do you build a muscle of courage, which is the most important virtue. And book two will be about how do you actually apply that courage to do hard things to get the results you want. And as I mentioned,
a book with my wife on relationships. really the goal is, and then we have products even on my website, Fear of Ana, to guide people through different stages of life. They will be up there a little later this week. to get to different tools to guide people to evolve and up level their life in whatever arena they seek. And ultimately help people find, live, and love their purpose and create the relationships they love. And you do that, you create a worthy, fulfilling life.
Tim Doyle (56:31.544)
somebody were to come to you right now and said, actually, you've inspired me, I feel like this is a part of my purpose to something has overcome me, I'm going to spend the next four years to try to do what you did, what would you say?
Akshay (56:44.841)
I would happily guide them and counsel them in all the things I've learned over the years. If somebody wanted to pursue this, I'd be the first to support them in every way I can to help them pull it off and let them know also what's coming. And you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.
Tim Doyle (56:59.96)
haha
Akshay (57:03.913)
Beyond just the Antarctica, the training, I I was dragging tires around 125 degrees in Arizona where I live. And as I mentioned, doing all of this while trying to raise $1.1 million, it was the hardest thing I've ever done by far, the collective journey. And it's brutal, but worth every step.
Tim Doyle (57:21.056)
Akshay, it's been great to be able to talk with you again. Where can people go to connect with you and see more of the work that you're doing with everything?
Akshay (57:28.637)
You can find me on Instagram at Fearvana, which is F-E-A-R-V-A-N-A. The book is on Amazon. And on my website, Fearvana, there's a series of resources that I have and I'm building to help guide people up level through every area of their life. So you can find all of that around.
Tim Doyle (57:46.678)
Awesome, great talking with you again.
Akshay (57:48.447)
Thank you so much for having me, brother. Appreciate you.
